I have this friend. I feel like I screw things up constantly. I just feel like everything I do is wrong.
She complains I don’t get excited when she tells me things. So I review my behavior. I guess I do have a habit of playing devils advocate too much and not focusing on the good. So I try to make sure I tell her how great the things are she shares with me, shift my focus to the positive. She snaps at me for being sarcastic and judge-mental.
She has a goal and is putting lots of hours into this goal. I try to be supportive, not be intrusive. Make her life easier, helping cook and fill in some of the chores, so she can devote her time to this goal. I
I thought she wanted to be at this goal working by 8 but she was sleeping. I thought, I’ll let her sleep, maybe we can hang out because she’ll be too late. But then I kicked myself decided I was being selfish, made her a plate of food and woke her up just before 8. I figured she’d be able to make it out the door in time.
She is so pissed at me. She believes I was trying to control her by waking her up. That she said she wanted 8 hrs of sleep and the truth is I know better than to wake her. She always gets mad, if I wake her. She feels like I ruined the chances of her working on her goal because of screwing with her sleep.
She then got extremely angry saying I didn’t have any empathy because I didn’t understand why she was upset. She said I was selfish and just kept talking about myself. I guess I did, I didn’t understand how she couldn’t see I was trying to support her, trying to help her. I was kicking myself because of my mistake. I didn’t hear her say she was worried about the loss of her goal. That makes me feel even worse. I know how important it is to her. I want her to succeed. I want to support her not hinder.
I’m venting my feelings, my side, leaving details out for privacy and such. Remember this is only part of the story from only one side. She has been a huge support and great friend to me through some pretty shitty things, when we get along it’s great, support and care on both sides.
It’s just that I feel like I am always screwing up. My foot is constantly in my mouth and I always fall short. Like waking her up, I know never ever do that. I know it’s an issue and is about as smart as carrying a 20 foot metal pole to the middle of a huge empty flat field during a lighting storm. But I did it anyway. I know she’s more upset I didn’t show empathy but I was so busy kicking myself for stupidity, that I didn’t hear her explanation. So I wonder do I sabotage the friendship on purpose?