Giving Up Control is Scary

Sometimes it’s hard to put God in the driver seat of life. I love God and have understood His love and importance since preschool.

Please don’t think that this means I’ve been a perfect Christian since preschool. For years my life my a mess. For years I took control and didn’t let God lead. I married an awful man. God clearly told me to run when I met my ex-husband. The moment I met the man who convinced me to marry him, God sent revulsion and dread through my body.

I dismissed this feeling and look at earthly facts. My ex-husband told me he had dreams about me before we met. Dreams so strong he went out and bought a ring waiting to meet the girl from his dreams. He didn’t drink or smoke, had a steady job. He said all the right things and sent me roses every week. He said he was Christian, although his church was a little weird for my taste (snake handlers, not my cup of tea).

I ignored God. I decided to follow my own rational logic instead. Nothing good came from that. God was not in that marriage. While I was married I couldn’t find God. Instead all I could find was misery.

I learned a lot during my marriage. I learned, half truths and white lies are more devastating than bold face lies. People no matter how close can/will hurt and disapoint you. But the most important thing I learned, always listen when God talks to you.

That doesn’t mean I was perfect after that. I struggled. I’ve struggled in life and in my relationship with God. For years I was angry with God. I didn’t reject Him but I definitely pushed Him away.

I struggled with my faith… Did God reject me because I divorced? Did that mean I most remain single? I didn’t trust anyone and made many poor degrading decision. I became pregnant with the child of a man I didn’t love.

As my child formed in my belly, I finally began to understand God’s love. The love I felt for my unborn child, what I was willing to do to protect it, helped me understand what God’s love.

The Baptist pastor, at the home for unwed mother’s, tried to tell me that my child was the product of sin, mistake that would be a constant burden to society because of my poor choices.

Anger flashed and my heart broke, my child was a precious gift from God! So, putting my hand protectively over my belly, I said “This child is a miracle of life, God will love this child and no life is a mistake. I admit my sin but my child is a gift from God.” As a result, I was homeless again.

I was ok though because I was letting God lead. Letting God lead is the difference of knowing things will work for the glory of God and feeling like I’m constantly failing because it’s all on me.

That’s the thing, it’s never all on me, God’s got me covered if I let Him. He can even use my mistakes for good.

God always accepts us. Never expects us to be perfect. God always loves us and He is always waiting to take the wheel.

Being in a relationship with God is like being in a relationship with anyone. If we put time and energy into the relationship it will thrive, if we neglect the relationship it will suffer. Unlike human relationships, God will never turn His back, never stop loving, never give up on us. Unlike human relationships God has the power to help and guide us. God’s worth the time and energy.

Sincerely with

Humility Grace Mercy

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