I’m so sorry your lost. I can feel the pain of confusion and misrepresentation. I wish I could truly show you Jesus. I can’t because I am human, believing in Christ did not make me perfect. I pray God shows me how to be more like Him and I read His word but I’m still human, I still fall short of His glory. I will make the mistake of judging another’s sin before dealing with mine. I will fall back on tradition and forget to follow the Word of God. Becoming a believer didn’t make me God but gave me a wonderful relationship of pure love that I can always count on. I can’t show Jesus to you because you have to seek a relationship with Him yourself.
Seeking Jesus is about looking up to heaven not here on earth. Yes, I agree if you look for perfection here you will not find it. Look up, God is waiting His hands held out for you. Seek God, not man… man is failing you… God never will. If you look in the world you will find worldly things, look to heaven for heavenly things.
Jesus is crying out for you, He loves you and is waiting for you to turn back to Him. Why do you look for Him here on earth, when he has returned to heaven. God loves you completely, nothing you do can keep Him from you. Where humans fail, Jesus forgives completely and is searching for you like a Shepard and his lost sheep, like a poor woman and her coin, like a father for his son.
A relationship with Jesus us a personal intimate thing that can’t be found if you’re looking on earth only by looking towards heaven.